• Paula M

Why some couple do not last?

From my point of view, one of the reasons why couples do not last or shorter than before, apart from the evolution of socio-economic conditions allowing to choose one's partner according to endogenous criteria, is the current over-evaluation of romantic love.

Along with success and socio-professional success, the romantic relationship is, for many, a holy grail of our time. We have been rocked and watered by magnificent love stories relayed by literature, cinema and other media. These stories have become our referents, our models, our ideals when it comes to romantic relationships. They are all the more ideal as they are unreal and unrealistic since they are based on the dramatic intensity.

By capillarity, we have absorbed these references to set them up as a due on the one hand, and as an essential objective on the other hand. But life is not a fiction. And we arrive with our model that we intend to "copy" from our love story to us. Filled with demanding and often unrealistic expectations, we hope to fit a square into a circle.

On the other hand, the partner, the other, is "other". His model is not the same and never could be. He built himself differently, has beliefs that are specific to him, ideals that are specific to him.

If for a while the illusion of "agreement" is beautiful, one day or another, the reality of otherness will resurface. If we are not able to face this otherness, to move on to another stage of the relationship, then this one will stop.

It seems to me that we are often more in love with our personal neurochemistry, made up of different hormones, than actually in love with our partner. As soon as the (neuro) -chemistry no longer operates, the feelings disappear. And we want to move on, to another relationship so as to quickly.

Finally, today more than ever, we have the "choice" for our relationships, they are no longer imposed. Bonds have the ability to come apart with bewildering ease. So, for some or for many, we are plundering from one partner to another, in search of the one who will know how to maintain the neuro-chemistry in the long term.

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